10 Rules To Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work
10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work
Nearly everyone has been involved in a long distance relationship at some point in their life.
Most of us have failed to maintain it, and have inevitably broken up, even though it may have been a promising relationship.
Why is that so? What are the common reasons for breaking up in those relationships, and how can you make them work?
To begin with, I was there myself.
A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife's best friend.
Shortly after that, she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other.
By e-mail.
The great thing about e-mail communication is that there are no games. At least there shouldn't be. You can present yourself as the person you are.
You can truly open up.
So we fell in love just for the people we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.
Of course, the critical moment was when we first met.
Would the picture we had of each other synchronize with the outer picture?
If you've been dishonest, then you will fail at this point.
Luckily, it worked out for us.
Long distance relationships can happen due to various reasons.
Here are some of the common scenarios:
- You've met in a chat room or an online personal site, and realized in the end that you were several states away from each other.
- You recently graduated college and have moved back to your hometown, while your boyfriend or girlfriend has stayed in the college town.
- At work you've been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program, and will be in that location for several months.
For some, the distance is a good way to slowly open up to the relationship without the constant presence of the partner.
The romance stays kindled because you aren't around the person 24/7, having to see different habits and routines that can get repetitive.
Regarding disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing – at least between the meetings.
You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don't have eye contact, and can't take walks or enjoy dinners out together.
Then again, that makes the meetings so much more intense than they would be in a “normal” relationship.
It's the quality, not the quantity.
It can work, but there are some rules and guides you have to follow.
Of course, there is also a crucial condition that without, any long term relationship will not work:
You must have a sincere interest in each other.
I mean a deep, emotional connection, whether you've been together before the spatial separation or you've just met each other through chat or e-mail.
I'm afraid a physical attraction is not enough.
That's why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.
Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:
1. Have A Relationship Plan For The Future
Know where you are heading. Have a light at the end of the tunnel.What do you want to accomplish in your partnership?
Have goals and a time frame for when you want to be together. It is critical that you both have a hope to live for.
Have a light at the end of the tunnel.
They just hope it will turn out right eventually, and that a miracle is going to happen.
Indeed this also means you will have to make sacrifices. At least one of you.
Realize that you most likely only have three options:
- she moves to him
- he moves to her
- both move to another place
The biggest mistake you can make is to hush it up.
2. Meet Regularly
Try to see each other every month, at least once.Plan this ahead, and include some activities like town visits, museums, a weekend in a fancy hotel, etc.
Make it a celebration, an explosion – something very special!
Soon these short meetings will be something you long for, something that you will align your life around.
Remember, you can only get a real connection by touching, feeling and smelling a person.
You don't get smell with email or Skype, or that initial wow you feel inside when you see your love.
So do everything you can to meet at least once a month.
3. Use Modern Technologies To Communicate
You need all the help you can get, so why not use the excellent benefits of a modern communication world:- Write at least one e-mail to each other every day
- Use Skype/Facetime or something similar to talk to each other for free. Believe me; it's awesome watching a movie together while simultaneously talking to each other
- Use Instant Messaging
- Use digital photographs or take videos of your daily activities and send them via e-mail
- Use a webcam, (this I can highly recommend)
Imagine how it used to be 100 years ago when a letter used to take months.
4. Give Yourselves A Free Day
This one-sided communication – I mean with no physical interaction – can sometimes frustrate you very intensively.It is possible that this frustration then turns to conflicts between you as an outlet for it.
This could lead to misunderstandings that are tough to resolve per e-mail.
Believe me one thing – you do not want to have a fight over e-mail or phone.
I found it very helpful to insert a day or two without any communication.
What happens then is that you miss each other very intensely, and you usually find yourselves at a much higher level than you were before.
If the only way of interaction between you is canceled for a day or two, you will either progress or doubt.
In any case, you will know where you stand.
This is also a good way to test the strength of your relationship.
5. Write Extensive And Intimate Emails
“The most important thing here is – be honest!”Open yourself up completely.
Write about your inner state, what you are feeling, what you dream about, what you hope for.
As a rule of guidance, describe in your emails, your inner state and during your phone calls, your outer state.
Writing is more intense than verbal communication and allows you to be more intimate. That will create a tighter bond between you.
The most important thing here is – be honest!
Don't pretend you are someone you are not. Don't put yourself in a better light.
You will only have a chance if both people are completely honest and congruent.
6. Send A Written Letter Once In A While
Do not underestimate that marvelous feeling when you look in your mailbox and find a letter from your love, open it, and see his/her writing.This is a pleasure we often forget about in this modern era.
Not to mention that it's far more romantic.
7. Beware Of Jealousy
Jealousy is a very dangerous thing and can threaten every romantic relationship.Jealousy is commonly a lack of trust and understanding. It very often reveals insecurities and bad experiences in other relationships.
The keyword here is simply – trust.
You cannot control and observe your partner. You can only have faith in your relationship, and in the things you have built in the times, you have had together.
Hold on to that, and never give into that green eyed monster.
Jealousy is one of the most negative and destructive emotions there is!
Listen to Shakespeare:
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger
But, O, what damned minutes tells he o'er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!
8. Avoid Dangerous “Situations”
As mentioned before, trust is essential.If you completely trust your partner and also have faith in your relationship, you can pretty much do what you want without endangering anything you have together.
However, I nevertheless recommend avoiding some specific situations.
Of course, it depends on the person, but I would not go out with anyone of the opposite sex alone, or go to wild parties.
Simply avoid temptations that could distract you from each other.
Better safe than sorry!
9. Never Lose Faith
People will tell you that relationships over a long distance never work.
Watch out – you will meet a lot of skepticism.People will “warn you” about this kind of relationships, especially those who have had negative experiences with them.
Don't listen to them.
People tend to negate things they failed on.
Listen to me – it can definitely work, but you both have to believe it.
Check out my article on achieving goals.
10. Always Stay Positive
Always assume that your partner loves you and cares about you.Never believe anything negative, whether you read something in his/her emails or you disliked how he/she made a weird comment on something.
Don't interpret too much into anything.
The problem with non-face-to-face communication is the lack of facial expression.
It is so easy to misinterpret, but unfortunately much harder to trust and stay positive.
I assure you, if something were really wrong, you would know it.
As you can see, I'm positive about long distance relationships.
They expose ongoing life lessons and prove that love, loyalty, and faith are the vital ingredients to a lasting relationship.
Have faith, have trust, and you both will succeed in the end.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
134 comments
Newest
I have a boyfriend right now, but I’m leaving in June… To another
country… And he’s saying that he wants to go long distance, but I’m
scared to… Any advice?
Vote:
My boyfriend who I am in love with is going to a new school and he
really loves me but I keep thinking what if he cheats on me. I really
love him but I have my own doubts. What can I do to trust him?
I really love him though…
I really love him though…
Vote:
My boyfriend who I am in love with lives in New York. He cares
about me and loves me soo much and wants a future together with me.
However there are times I am texting him every two mintues and checking
up on him on fb to see what he is doing, without even realizing I am
being immature. I do trust him and so by this he tells me that he wants
more of a mature relationship and sometimes I don’t behave mature
enough. He loves me and cares for me enough and I am worried his
feelings changed for me and I am freaking out! I need advices
Vote:
He lives im Asia and I live im South America.. We actually lived
together before I moved here buy now I feel like he just wants to chat
24/7 and I find it soooo..I don’t know I guess too much..I feel like if
we did less it would be so much better but at the same time I don’t
wanna hurt his feelings
Vote:
I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, and he
lives in Florida and I am in New York which is 15 hours away. We have
been dating for about a week and I don’t know what to do because we will
not ever see each other. I don’t know how to last this, and yet I am
only 13. We have true feelings for each other and we text and call
everyday. And have love for each other. If you have any advice for how
to last this please help!!
Vote:
How did you meet what his name I been in long distance
relationship for almost 4 month and his also from Florida his 39 year
old and have a 6 year son, you guy only been date a week that not a real
relationship yet did get to know each other like what your like and
dislike
Vote:
i lived in singapore he lives in indonesia. his age is 24 my age
is 16. we do love each other, is there any wrong of the age gap?
Vote:
the girl i have my heart set on lives in texas i live in south carolina how can it work i love her
Vote:
Great stuff, I hope to remember these great words you have shared
with us all to be a good man to the woman I have met online. She is
unlike others who have at this point been rather, well lets just say I
wouldn’t invite them to meet my mother for dinner with the pictures they
use to invite to their world.
Maybe I’m old fashioned in a small way but we did meet online and we are trying to learn about each other before we move any further, I’d like her to be comfortable and feel safe but unsure how that works with online communication and pictures and video chats at this stage for us.
Maybe I’m old fashioned in a small way but we did meet online and we are trying to learn about each other before we move any further, I’d like her to be comfortable and feel safe but unsure how that works with online communication and pictures and video chats at this stage for us.
Vote:
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m in a LDR but can’t
travel to meet my boyfriend. He always has to come to me. This was not
the way things were supposed to go, but this is the way it is. I don’t
know how to tell him that this is how it will have to be for a few years
and I don’t know how he will take it. Whenever he comes out, I
literally pay for everything and always plan really fun events for us to
go see and partake in, so it isn’t like he is ever bored. Our sex life
is great and all of our emotional needs are met.
Vote:
You’re having sex with the guy, so why can’t you be brave enough to speak openly and honestly?
If you are scared that you will lose him if you break the news that you can’t travel his way for a while, then your relationship with him is not very stable.
This guy has it made with you, I doubt he will give up the easy sex with someone who pays for everything and makes the plans.
By the way, have you and him been using protection against STD’s?
If you are scared that you will lose him if you break the news that you can’t travel his way for a while, then your relationship with him is not very stable.
This guy has it made with you, I doubt he will give up the easy sex with someone who pays for everything and makes the plans.
By the way, have you and him been using protection against STD’s?
Vote:
I’m in LDR for 4yeas now actually today is our 4years
anniversary,LDR is so difficult relationship,like me I’ll try to be
patient for our baby ,by the we have baby ,,we hve so much fight this
time most especially last 2015 coz he really change much ,,ifeel he
hiding something,then ifound he hve been chatting someone else ,it’s
hurt much coz he do promise we promise together no hiding,but he
does,,isay something to him when I’m so upset ,, I say separation but he
don’t want ,he say he loves me,but he change much idont know wat to
think this time sometimes I think he just say he loves me becoz of our
baby ,,I think he just playing with me now ,,,Nd I just ask a favor to
him if he can put our photos in his profile he mad nd talking much
,,,can u know what the best thing to do,,
Vote:
You need to move on, for your sake and for the sake of your child.
Your long distance guy has a child with you and he isn’t stepping up at
all. He is acting like a boy and not a responsible man.
You say “let’s separate” but he doesn’t agree? And you found out he’s chatting with other female(s)? Then who cares what he wants. It is crystal clear this guy has his cake and will eat it too with you. He may be doing much worse without your knowledge.
No need to have any further discussion with him. No need for a breakup talk.
Start living your life without this man in the picture. He is acting like a single guy with 100% freedom. Give him what he wants–a life without the burden of a child and baby momma.
Good luck!
You say “let’s separate” but he doesn’t agree? And you found out he’s chatting with other female(s)? Then who cares what he wants. It is crystal clear this guy has his cake and will eat it too with you. He may be doing much worse without your knowledge.
No need to have any further discussion with him. No need for a breakup talk.
Start living your life without this man in the picture. He is acting like a single guy with 100% freedom. Give him what he wants–a life without the burden of a child and baby momma.
Good luck!
Vote:
If you really love him baby no stoppage! But be sure you really
love him, not for any reason, I mean true love, if truly love the guy,
the spirit of conectivity will connect both of you, because is natural.
Let your mind conceive it first so it can achieve it, no matter the
distance. A message from MC Maga
Vote:
I was lucky enough to start my relationship with my girl in
person, we both worked, talked and saw each other every day. She was
scared, she didn’t want to get hurt, so she always kind of kept me at a
distance. A month in and she was leaving me to live in another state,
and I was and still am crushed. We’ve gotten through 4 months together,
Facetiming and messaging each other almost every day, but it’s so hard
losing every physical interaction I used to have with her. I lover her
so much, but I hate that this was how our relationship is now. The
distance has brought us so much closer, there are no secrets or
insecurities we don’t know about, everything is out there. I just don’t
know if I can keep doing it, we keep trying to set up dates or places to
meet up, but every plan isn’t working out and every time we each just
get hurt. I love her so much and I’m willing to put myself through all
the pain so I could be with her again, but realizing that I’m not going
to see her for years is breaking me apart and making me doubt us. I must
sound like a jerk, but I honestly don’t know if I can keep having my
heart played with like this anymore. I need advice, how do you look at
years without your love and tell yourself i’s going to be ok?
Vote:
Hey man, look, I’d kill for that again. I lost my love, same
situation as you. I mean EXACTLY the same. And right now? I’d do
anything to get her back. Don’t lose her. When you feel that way, take
some time off. Or, when you want to give up, remember why you’ve held on
so long in the first place.
Vote:
Hello,am 23 years and is not up to a week I met a guy online,he
will be 32 on the 15th of july. He is sounding like someone who is ready
for commitment and I like him also.I live in Nigeria and he is in
scotland.though our relationship is just few days old but is funny how
fast my feelings is growing for him and I don’t want to lose him.
Vote:
Hy…im in a long relationship distance now with one of boy… i knew
he by my bestfriend… we keep on contact after that. ..ill have told him
about my ex life that i haven in a relationship before with my ex around
one year.. .although he also have thought about her ex girl… he has
been knew that girl by fb apps.. .they haven couple around 1 year to
without seen in apps… they start conversation at apps and start fall in
love…. he has been told to me.. and after that he like the way i be… and
i too… we both fall and start conversation by call and by whattsapp…
then eitheir we both break because an small argument last year… .so
after that sometimes ill keep touch by text him in apps… and just
suddenly he haven proposed me again this year.. .but he never been in
conversation all the time… and he is a football player too.. and i have
been asked him before… by asking why he keep a distance by text me all
the time.. .he haven said that he scared that he will fall over with me…
.but he keep text and talk to me once in a day…and im a hot tempered
too… he haven told me by control myself from tempered.. .sometimes he
keep asking my picture in whattsapp…and he haven said to me that keep an
distance by using apps…. im confused… did he really loved me?
Help me please… im totally confused…
Help me please… im totally confused…
Vote:
I was in a relationship that was so emotional, the girl was crazy
about me and cared about me until after few months after she relocated
to a distant town her attitude changed she could no longer care or call
like she used to and i started talking to her about the changes and at
times wen i do she will get angry.I felt helpless and stupid for i
thought my incessant complain about the situation had made her loose
interest in me the more cos she now uses harsh tone on me and at a time
she confessed to me she had slept with another guy and that i should
please forgive her which i did and gave her another chance .But even now
i still want to make her love for me grow more and that she could start
treating me the way that she used to.Am afraid am loosing her and i
want her love badly. How can i get her love back since its so obvious
that she is hating me for my complains about the situation please folks i
need help.I just want to get her happy atleast once more before the
inevitable happens.
Vote:
ahh i m also in a long distance relationship.i i m a 20 years old
bisexual boy and i live in india where as my boyfriend lives in NYC.we
met on facebook and now we both realized we love each other i do realy
wanna meet him but its too expensive going there.dont know what to do??
Vote:
Just keep your mind on it always, both of you will meeet because
what your mind can conceive it can achieve, believe that you love each
other, by then you are opening up for conectivity, distance or money is a
problem, trust me it will be a suprise to you that you finally meet.
Have fun, think no more. A message from MC Maga a comedian from west
Africa Nigeria
Vote:
Hello people, I’m here to tell my story and hopefully somebody
will help. Let me start off by saying I love somebody in the UK and I
live in the US. Ok now that I have your attention, if I do, I need help.
So about 2 years ago I met this guy. Didn’t really think that much
about him, right? Until about a year ago I started talking and talking
to him. Eventually I told him about how I felt and he had felt the
same…so we dated over the summer. Everything was going fine; we kept in
touch a lot, etc, until school started. Since he lives in the UK we are 7
hours apart so when I got out of school it would be like 11 for him; it
left barely anytime to talk. That did complicate things however that’s
not what ended us. For a week he ignored me during September I think and
I kept on spamming him, “Hey, are you OK where are you?” and other
things like that. No reply. That is until he finally messaged me saying,
“You mean the world to me but we have to break up. I can’t stand not
being able to hug you, or even go out somewhere, and I just can’t do
this anymore but I still love you.” I was in disbelief and didn’t want
to believe what I had just read. Fast forward to November, oh and during
October he had gotten a new girlfriend already -(During this time i was
trying to get him back spamming him vent messages), my parents found
out I was texting a “stranger” and they found out I had been depressed
etc. They screamed at me saying I’ll never talk to this person again and
now they don’t trust me. I had my phone taken away, they looked at
everything. They think I was being catfished etc but I KNOW he’s real;
I’ve skyped/facetimed and there are too many signs pointing to him being
real. (as in not a weird 60 year old) So I was forced to ignore him for
months, and my parents in that time “convinced me” he was terrible.
About 3 or 4 months ago I found out a way to contact him to tell him
some things and to get closure. However I ended up falling in love
again. His gf broke up with him a few weeks ago, and I asked him if he
loved me. His reply still being yes I do but we can’t be together. Now
all I do is vent to him because I’m trying to get him back, but he
barely replies to anything and i think he’s getting annoyed. Sometimes I
want to bring it up, but after I say sorry and he just ignores anything
I’ve said about us. Ive gone on multiple dates trying to forget him but
I still love him. He says he hates long distance and it just doesn’t
work for him. Any ideas? I need to stop spamming him (venting) but i
want him to know how i feel and he just asked another girl out and i
asked him yet again if he had feelings for me and this time he said: “I
honestly don’t know and its better that way. Lives to short so live a
happy one.” But the thing is I want HIM. My parents are against this and
have blocked the app store on my phone as well as safari. I have no
idea what to do…help me please..
Vote:
I’m going on 5 months with my girl, we’ve been separated for 4,
and it honesty has been the hardest 4 months of my life. I get why he
would want to break up and give up, I told my girl I wanted to do that
so much, but if someone really loves you, they’ll take themselves and
their feelings out of the mix and they will keep trying to make it work.
I’m not saying they’re not as important or anything, but they will
understand that you need them, and in my case I physically and mentally
cannot live without my girl. From what you described, I don’t think he’s
that kind of guy, I don’t think he really cares that much or loves you
as much as you love him. I wouldn’t keep trying to make it work with
him, and I understand how you feel about him, but if someone shows you
they really don’t care for your love, it’s really pointless trying to
make it work. I understand with all of the parents stuff too, my mom is
the same way and has called the police on me already (long story short,
my girl is underage but only three years younger than me, in my state
it’s perfectly fine/legal). I know it’s been a while since you posted,
but if any of this helps or is still relative, let me know
Vote:
I want to give the best advice I can which is to let this guy go. I
have been in a long distance relationship now for 5 months. I met him
here in Los Angeles where I am from and he was on vacation from Sweden.
And I can tell you when a guy really loves you he will make it work
distance is a mere factor but you must set goals as the article says and
if the love real then you set goals to be with one another. This guy
doesn’t sound like he wants that at all you are better off on your own
he just isn’t the right guy for you right now. Someone better will come
along trust me. Me and my boyfriend have made two trips to see each
other I travelled to Sweden and met his parents and friends had this
wonderful experience and he is coming back to L.A this month. we have
made it a goal to try and visit each other as much as possible and have
set a goal of him moving to the states to make us work. so if someone
truly loves you then you will make the distance work in your favor and
set goals for one another to end up together.
Vote:
Me and my gamer boyfriend also meet in an online game…we have a
12hrs difference…well at first it was just for fun to teas our friends
but then when we started chatting, we felt this sort of connection…we
would constantly videocall and chat on our first 2 weeks…(we’re already
on our 1st month btw)…but lately our communication lessened ever since
he got this new game…i know i should support him and let him do what he
loves…but now i feel so left out and sadness is getting the most out of
me…i greeted him on our 1st month and even made a song for him as a
surprise….but i didn’t get any response asides that he doesn’t know how
to rhythm his words…his drifting farther away…i want to tell him about
it but im afraid that he would think im being annoying and i dont want
to get in his way…what should i do to keep our relationship working?
Vote:
I know you probably already dealed with this but… honestly telling
your thoughts to chur loved one will help alot with the relationship.
Vote:
What if she is In the UK and I am in Los Angeles. Its been a year
we have yet to meet . We have a planned to meet in July. Some days are
harder than others. At times my messages get lost in translation as
hers do as well. The time difference is hard . I don’t share with
people because the I receive negative feedback.
Any advice?
Any advice?
Vote:
not really i feel your pain though…my situation is much like yours
except mine is broken…I’m sorry i wish i could help..just keep on
talking to her no matter what; video chat with her as much as possible
Vote:
I am much in the same boat as you. My boyfriend is in Los Angeles
and I am in Cebu,Philippones. We met each other on that one fateful day.
I was bored at work and he was..well..feeling lonely. We are of the
same age. I am not a chatter but that day i came across this online chat
site and with all the chat requests i was getting i replied to a few
but simply lacked interest. So i kept exiting the chat windows when I
cam acrosss his. I read his message trying to introduce himself,
instantly it caught my attention so I replied to him. When I replied he
was about to leave for a meeting..he left me his email address and asked
if I could email him. So I did and I sent him a picture of myself and
he did too..I wasnt really looking when we met and he wasnt either but
we were attracted to each other and started talking more and fell for
each other. But with over 7000miles apart…its hard to even get my own
bestfriend to believe that he could actually be someone real or worth
the risk.. i get negative comments from her because she said she herself
is a cheat and men are by nature a bigger cheat. Now I am torn..i am
still yet to meet him and he cant leave that easy because of his
business and my bestfriend is very cynic about everything which is
taking a toll on me and making me cynic about him and what he does in LA
with me over 7000miles away..we stay in touch everyday talk
everynight…i would wake up on late nights to meeet his daytimme and he
would stay up late to meet my afternoon. I do know i love him and i want
to trust that he means when he says he loves me. so far he has been
really honest with me and did not lie on anything that he could actually
lie about if he wants to. over time ive just learned to have faith in
him and realized that the things that worries me have much same effect
on him but he chose to trust. my bestfrnd doesnt trust him until he
comes visit because for her with someone who is as young and good
looking as he is its unlikely he settles for online romance. so
sometimes i just ignore what i hear from her and count on the man im
dating because im the one talking tk him everyday so i should know
better. I do hope this works out really good.
Vote:
Well he left for two years for a mission and I only get an email
from him once a week and really it’s all I need and I look forward to
the day he emails me back and when I get an email from him my heart just
skips a beat and makes my whole week honestly. I think a long distance
relationship can work simply on how much interest you have towards one
another and the will to keep up with them and opening up and just try to
talk about everything.
Vote:
Add your comment...
By continuing to browse our site you agree to the use of cookies, revised Privacy Policy and Terms of Service: More Info
I
am so happy writing this testimony today. I will write this testimony
in other places to help others find this spell caster and get help. My
name is Oliver Sanders. I am from Chicago. There is only one spell
caster i have contacted that have helped me of the spell casters i met
online. I did not spend a week talking with this man when i started to
see changes in my life and my husband's life. His name is Dr Power. I
have been married for 3 years and i couldn't bear a child. My husband
was going out with another woman and still drinking and smoking. It was
hard for me to bear and i have been searching for help. I contacted this
spell doctor and my husband soon started coming home always after work
within 3 days at first, soon, the other woman left him alone I became
pregnant. It is a bundle of Joy in me that i finally found help with a
short period of contact to last me my entire life. How else will i share
this testimony of my life. Please help me to see is good works. Yes,
Contact Dr Power via Email:- ultimatepowerspells@yahoo.com
